Why The Mormon Church Does Not Support Gay Marriage

Recently a friend expressed to me, “What is the big deal? Why can’t The Church support gay marriage? Live and let live is a kinder approach to life, anyway, isn’t it?”

I have given this a lot of thought and here is my response to my friend and anyone else who may ask the same question.

There are three basic doctrines central to Mormonism, and in order to understand the Church’s position on any political or social issue, it is critical to understand these three doctrines, as they will always guide any decision made.

1.     At the very core of the doctrine of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) is the belief that we are literal spiritual offspring of Heavenly Parents, (a mother and a father), and our highest purpose on this earth is to prove ourselves worthy to become like Them.  “Like Them” means having a marriage that lasts throughout eternity where husband and wife become like God, have their own spirit children and help those children become as their parents are.  That is God’s work. It is His purpose. It is His glory. (See Moses 1:39)

2.     Jesus Christ is our literal spirit brother and the Only Begotten of God the Father in the flesh. Christ’s Atonement is so vast, so powerful, and so complete that it allows every single person who has ever lived on this earth to literally be resurrected. And for those who prove themselves worthy, it also provides the way for them to obtain the power, knowledge, wisdom and perfection necessary to become like our Heavenly Parents.

3.     The vast power of the Atonement is available through sacred ordinances and covenants with Jesus Christ. The authority to administer those ordinances and validate those covenants was given to Joseph Smith through angelic ministers. Joseph Smith, as in days of old, was called by God to be His prophet, and the authority to govern Christ’s church has been passed down from Joseph Smith until Thomas S. Monson today.

So now to specifically answer the question . . .

Since Eternal Marriage and Eternal Parenthood are our highest goals, any practice or belief that hinders or prevents a person from reaching that goal can never be supported by the Mormon Church. The Church will never support something that is in direct opposition to its most core doctrine.

Based on that doctrine, the most fundamental reason to not support gay marriage is simply because two people of the same gender cannot procreate. Without the power of procreation, God’s purpose (that of helping His children progress), identity (that of a father) and glory (His glory increases as He helps his children obtain what He has) would cease to exist. (Moses 1:39)

Please take a minute and think about that. 

But if you still don't believe, then perhaps your next question will be, “Isn’t that doctrine discriminatory and hateful?”

If it were only gay marriage then perhaps that might be true. But remember the Church will not support any belief or practice that prevents a person from reaching their full potential. Gay marriage is only one of many practices that stop people from progressing toward Godhood.

An Invitation to Everyone . . .
The gospel of Jesus Christ is an open invitation to all mankind everywhere to “Come unto Christ and be perfected in Him.” (Moroni 10:32) For it is in becoming perfected, in other words, becoming like our Heavenly Parents, that true joy and happiness will be found. Inviting people everywhere to come and partake of that joy, is not hateful. It is God’s plan for His children.

The invitation also does not discriminate.  It does not matter your color, your creed, body shape, social position, marital status, or gender preference.  It does not matter what sins you have or crimes you may have committed. The invitation is an invitation to everyone to come and worship together. We are all God’s children and He loves us all! And he invites us to come to Him just as we are.

This invitation is so vast, and taken so seriously that each year thousands of young men and women, and senior couples, at their own expense, leave the comfort of their homes to journey to other towns and far away lands to extend the invitation to any who will listen.

The invitation is so inclusive that every person who dies without having received a personal invitation to follow Christ and become as He and our Heavenly Parents are, will be given that invitation in the next life. And through proxy ordinances done in temples across the world, those people will have the opportunity to accept or reject the work done in their behalf.

But remember, the invitation is to Come Unto Christ and be perfected in Him. God never intended us to remain just as we are. He always intended us to change. He always intended us to become perfect—to become as He is. 

So come now. Come just as you are. But come ready to change, because in perfection we receive our greatest happiness and in Godhood we receive our deepest joy. And that happiness and joy is what our Heavenly Father wants to give all of us.

Now to those who may reject the invitation and the doctrine, I ask you this,

Is there a better plan out there?

Is there a plan that places a greater value on mankind? Is there a plan that gives us greater potential than Godhood? Is there a plan that offers more hope and more peace than eternal families?

If you can believe just a little, your next question might be, “If it is all true, then why am I like I am?”

The answer lies in the words of Christ Himself. “. . . I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27)

Every one of us falls much short of perfection. But imperfections, weaknesses, and challenges are some of the ways God has given us to help us realize our need for the Savior. And as we turn our hearts toward Christ, and apply His Atonement in our lives through covenant, we can receive the power to overcome.

Some of you may now ask, “But what if I don’t want an eternal family?”

Then you don’t have to have one. Agency has always been a guiding principle of the gospel. Those who reject the invitation to change their life, enter into sacred covenants and become like their Heavenly Parents, will not be forced to do so.  But the full blessings of the gospel and the fullness of joy are reserved for those who are willing to do all that God asks them to do. And the purpose of the Church is to help each of us be obedient to God.  

Because . . .

That is God’s plan for happiness. That is God’s plan of love.

Lori Wagner

One Mormon Voice

If you want to read more about Mormon belief on life after this life or same sex attraction, you can do so by clicking on the links below.

 Becoming Like God

Same Sex Attraction

Four Important Principles We Should All Understand About Motherhood . . .

“In the heav’ns are parents single? No, the thought makes reason stare; Truth is reason—truth eternal, tells me I’ve a mother there.”

Eliza R. Snow

As part of Spirit Week when my daughter Kristen was in high school, everyone was asked to dress in what they hoped would be their future career. Kristen, who was well known among her teachers for her scholastic achievements, went to school carrying a cabbage patch doll wrapped in a blanket. Sincere in her desire to one day be a mother, she was surprised by the reaction of so many of her teachers. “You will be wasting your time!” said one. “Your talents and abilities could be put to much better use!” said another.

After graduating from BYU and becoming a school teacher herself, Kristen traded in her cabbage patch doll for a real baby--times two!

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we believe in some doctrine about motherhood that is perhaps foreign to members of other religions, and at times not completely understood by ourselves.  But it is doctrine critical to our eternal salvation.

 “Our theology begins with heavenly parents. Our highest aspiration is to be like them.”

Dallin H. Oaks

First . . .

We believe we are the literal spiritual offspring of both a Heavenly Father and a Heavenly Mother.

Second . . .

We believe it is our purpose on earth, our divine destiny, to become like them.

Our Heavenly Parents are just that—parents. Exaltation is Eternal Life and Eternal Life is God’s Life. Or more simply put, God’s life is parenthood.

This is why there is such an emphasis on temple marriage and parenthood in our church. And it is why Satan works so hard to discredit and demean the terms mother and father. Although gaining an education and being successful in a career are good things that can help us reach our divine potential, all women who seriously desire exaltation, will also desire motherhood, because for women, exaltation and eternal motherhood are one and the same.*

Third . . .

By marrying in the temple, and bringing children into our home, we are participating with our Heavenly Parents in their work, and becoming like them.

My mother was not raised in the gospel. She did not grow up in an active Latter-day Saint home. But at the age of 17 she moved to Salt Lake City, attended church there and eventually chose to marry in the temple and raise a family.  One day, while taking my youngest daughter to the temple to receive her endowments before serving her mission, the importance of my mother's choice was profoundly impressed upon me. As I whispered to my daughter instructions to help her, I realized I was repeating the exact words my mother whispered to me 35 years earlier, when she first took me to the temple. The act of parents teaching their children the gospel and helping them make covenants that lead to eternal life, is the pattern of Godhood. How grateful I am for my own mother who first set that example for me.

Fourth . . .  

Perfection is possible through faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement.

I am aware of many well-meaning mothers who feel pressure to be Pinterest Perfect. They stress over Pinterest perfect meals, served in Pinterest perfect kitchens. They see an idealized superwoman portrayed on social media—or hear talks in church on Mother’s Day about supposedly perfect mothers-- and feel they are failures in comparison.

The good news is that we have never been asked to be Pinterest Perfect. Although Mormon culture  may have promoted the myth that grinding your own wheat, bottling peaches, sewing your daughter’s wedding dress, having digital scrap books, all while maintaining a size two figure, were requirements for exaltation, Mormon doctrine has never done so. The culture generated stereotypical Mormon mother is a myth and therefore impossible to duplicate. No wonder we end up feeling discouraged!!

Faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement means believing in our Heavenly Father and in His plan for us.

It means believing that although we make mistakes, we can repent, we can be cleansed and we can be strengthened in our abilities to improve. It means believing that although all the blessings of the Gospel may not be available to us right now, they will someday be available if we do our part.** And it means knowing that if we follow the example of Jesus Christ, and develop His attributes,  we are developing the attributes of our Heavenly Parents.

Motherhood is about women who cry when their sons leave on missions, and women who cry because their sons aren’t worthy to serve.

Its about women who stay up all night making sure their newborn is breathing and women who are up late waiting for their teenaged children to return safely home.

Its about women whose hearts ache because they can't have children, and women whose hearts expand to foster children who are not their own.

Its about the expectant mother whose toddler has worn the same outfit two days in a row, and the mother who serves mac and cheese as a “balanced meal” because there are two ingredients.

Its about the mother who rejoices in seeing her baby take his first step, or hearing her say her first word.

Its about mothers who work the night shift so they can be home during the day with their kids, and mothers who work the day shift so they can be home at night.

Its about mothers who spend their days sitting at the side of a hospital bed comforting a child with cancer, and mothers who kneel at the side of their own beds pouring out their hearts each night for a wayward child.

 Its about the joy of holding your newborn baby in your arms for the first time and the anguish of burying your teenaged son.

It is about highs and lows, ups and down, good times and bad, your greatest joys and your deepest sorrow.

Its about making a lot of mistakes, repenting and learning along the way

It is about living life and loving. 

Its about reaching our divine potential

Its about coming to know our God. 

Happy Mother's Day!
Lori Wagner

One Mormon Voice

*A righteous man or woman who chooses to not be married in the next life may still obtain Celestial Glory, but not exaltation. See D&C 131:1-4

**There are many righteous women who are single or not able to bear children who wonder how they fit in, or what God’s plan is for them. But the plan is the same for all God’s children. Exaltation. Eternal Parenthood. In order to be exalted, we must enter into the covenant of eternal marriage and keep that covenant. However, as that opportunity may not now be available to everyone who desires it, we have been promised that as we make and keep sacred covenants in this life to the degree that we are able, we qualify for all the blessings of eternity.

Want to read more about what Mormons believe?

Mother in Heaven

Today's Family: The Eternal Role of Mothers

Are We Not All Mothers?